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burgh of annan pipe band
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cowal not retro enough for disgraced pipers |
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One of the most important aspects of a pipe band is commitment. The commitment and dedication of all members is key in order to achieve success in the pipe band world. It is with great sadness and regret that we, the Royal Burgh of Annan Pipe Band, no longer possess such a quality. Sure, we used to. We even have guys who are willing to drive for hours on end just to play with us. But that's gone now, forever consigned to memory. The selfless few have wasted their time, money and energy. It's so disappointing. Excuse me as I take a moment to recover... Picture the scene, you work tirelessly all winter to be ready for the new season, hoping upon hope that you're able to keep it all together and maybe just win a prize or two. As the moment draws closer, you book your holidays around pipe band contests, even though your wife threatens to castrate you. You come home from the hospital with an ice pack down your jeans and your kids won't stop asking you if they can go to Disneyland and you turn round and say "Shut it, you little ankle biter, there's no way I'm missing Girvan!" they run to their rooms crying. That, my friends is commitment!!! Last Thursday night (February 7th) three pipers stood in front of the band and declared themselves to be above the rest. No high-pitched voice and sobbing weans for them! Those three (who will remain anonymous) said they would not be joining the rest of the band at Cowal. Instead they would be dressed like Don Johnson, watching such musicians as Paul Young, Boy George and Limahl. They would be at Retrofest in Strathclyde Park. It would be disrespectful for us to reveal the identities of the three misfits...
No. 1 - TIMOTHY JAMES SCHOOLAR Yes thats right, I can't believe it either. Normally a respectable man, Tim has decided to bow to the promise of VIP tickets to an 80's pop festival. A notorious piper from Annan (who wishes to remain anonymous) told us he has suspected this all along "I've never liked him, although I don't really know him cos he played with MacLeans, I only spoke to him a couple of times. Anyway, I could never work with him, he doesn't even teach kids!" We have later learned that the piper in question should not be taken seriously as he is known to be a compulsive liar and is extremely unreliable.
No. 2 - IRVINE 'MISTER' TORBETT It gets worse doesn't it. You'd think a Headmaster would know about discipline, but he clearly has allowed himself to succumb to the allure of Retrofest. What would his pupils think? When questioned, Pipe Major David McCracken stated "The guy earns about £500,000 a year so it's no wonder hes in the VIP section" We have since learned that someone overheard Crackers' statement and subsequently asked Toby for £20,000, we don't know what they would have done with the money, but then we never do.
No. 3 - IAN 'SNAIL/Mr. GRUMPY' NICHOLSON Par for the course really, isnt it? I mean, you hear about Tim and Toby and you think "NO!" then this guy pops up and it all makes sense. Ah well, may as well get started on his motives...this guy hates the medley, hates the MSR, hates the kilts, hates the ties, hates the name, hates this website, hates Cowal, probably hates retrofest too! My guess is he heard VIP and saw hundreds of pints of free lager begging him to guzzle them. In order to try and gain his approval, some of the band have renamed the strathspey in the Medley 'The Snail's a Gallant Fireman' He hates it.
The above article is a complete wind-up, don't take it seriously. The Retrofest story IS true, they have VIP tickets so they are going to play at Cowal and then hightail it to Strathclyde Park but we want to make it absolutely clear that nobody in the band is mad at Tim, Toby or Snail for going... ...Except Les |
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royal burgh of annan pipe band |
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